My Armor

My armor is like a second skin -
   I have worn it for as long as I can remember.
My armor is safe and warm -
   It has served me well over the years.
My armor is strong -
   Some would say it makes me cold and distant.
My armor is seasoned -
   It shows scars of my battles in life.
My armor is protective -
   It shields me from the demons that want to destroy my life.
My armor is camouflaged -
   It allows me to hide the pain and sadness in my life.
My armor and I are one -
   It seems that I will never be able to take it off and rest.

I wrote this shortly after my divorce became final in January of 2013. A long-time and dear friend made the comment that I lived behind the walls of a castle. I have never thought of it so much as a castle but more like a set of armor. Either way, it is a place I know all too well.

Mood Elevator

A "mood elevator," according to the Urban Dictionary, is an increasing popular component of corporate brainwash that became fashionable in the mid-2000s. Its purpose is to trick employees who are tired of their mind-numbingly depressing jobs, shitty bosses, and lousy paychecks that their problems are only figments of their imaginations and not real problems at all.

The Mood Elevator looks something like this:

Higher Mood States
Grateful
Wise
Creative
Resourceful
Hopeful
Appreciative
Patient
Sense of Humor
Flexible

Curious (The midpoint of the elevator for the lack of a better term.)

Lower Mood States
Impatient
Irritated
Worried
Defensive
Judgemental
Self-Righteous
Stressed
Angry

In theory, a person's mood elevator can go from the higher to the lower mood states at will, just like a physical elevator. So what if your elevator gets stuck? Like permanently stuck or at least in a position where you can't find relief or movement. This only happens during work time. My mood elevator is fine when I am not at work, although it has been know to malfunction from time to time.

My job was mind-numbingly depressing. I worked in a call center for an insurance company. I have worked in a call center environment for the better part of 20 years. I have pretty done the same job for 20 years...talking to customers. My duties have pretty much been the same although the jobs have varied. I answer phones and I help customers with paying their bills, discussing/starting products, and handling escalated customer calls. There have been periods where I have dealt with internal customers (help line and activation center). But the end is still the same...I talk with people.

I am angry because I deal with people that do not want to listen to me when I am talking to them because they are failing at multi-tasking in talking to people or they call in on a crappy cell phone. I have important information to give them which will help them better understand their products and services and more importantly understand the financial impact of the changes they are requesting.

I am stressed because in addition to helping these people, I am suppose to inspire them to take action with their financial security and encourage them to buy additional products. Now I am not salesperson so right off the bat that is hard for me. But there is also the customer. I am required to sell products and services to people that can't even pay their bills. If you offer them assistance, they either say they are not interested or they get defensive that I think they need help. But I am stressed because we are told to just talk about it but it doesn't count unless I am able to transfer the customer. My job is threatened on a regular basis because I can't inspire to customers to take action.

I get irritated and impatient because customers do not want to listen to me or they think that their situation should go one way when it really goes another way. This happens a lot when customers have to deal with agents other than myself that either do not do what they are supposed to do or they don't explain what they are doing well enough and it causes confusion for the customer. Then it is up to me to fix the situation or be the one to give the customer the "bad news" of what is going on to their account.

Curiousity is the dual-edge sword. It goes one way and I learn something new and something that helps me in my daily performance of my job. It goes the other way and I open up a can of worms on an account and I go further down the mood elevator in my conversation with the member.

I depend on my teammates to help me keep up my sense of humor. You have to have a sense of humor in my job otherwise it will eat you alive on the inside.

I am patient with customers that want to understand and have questions or want to me to explain something differently.

I am never creative because in my job there are rules to how business is conducted and when you deal with external forces you are not always in control on the creativity.

I am grateful only in the fact that I have a job and a steady paycheck.

So how do I fix it? I cant seem to move up in the company because I can't sell things to people who can't afford them. I can't seem to find a way out in the same line of work or something different. So how can I push a higher floor and get out off the service level.

Dumbing down my life

I have always been a "jack of all trades…master of none" kind of a guy when it came to my work ethic and to the jobs that I have had. Along with that, I have had the opportunities to further my career by taking advantage of some educational opportunities that have been presented to me. I am proud to say that I have earned my Bachelor's degree, as well as my MBA with a concentration in Human Resources Management, and several professional designations. Now that I am in the process of looking for a new job, it is becoming crystal clear that employers are scared of people that have applied themselves in life. Then a friend of mine suggested "dumbing down" my resume, referring to leaving information off of my resume. In essence, I would be hiding things that I have done in my life that I am proud of and want potential employers to know that I have applied myself in life and that I am the best candidate for the position for which I am applying to.

Now I am pretty sure I am not the only victim of this but the question begs to be asked…why?!

It infuriates me that I would have to even consider "dumbing down" my resume. That would mean discounting all those nights studying when my family was off doing something…. Studying for exams or preparing final presentations in economics, finance, my personal favorite (sarcastic) - Statistics. I traded working in a sweat box, listening to people bitch and moan about their lives in an effort to gain my sympathy, all for the opportunity to do something better with my life when I had reached the end of the road. But the opportunity wasn't there or the rules constantly changed to make that opportunity unavailable to me.

So what is the deal? Why are employers so scared? They hold all the cards. Do they not want their businesses to get better? To become more profitable?

I do not consider myself a genius by any stretch of the imagination. I do think I am smarter than the average bear. It is just that I committed the time in my life into something I believed in. I pushed myself…to better myself…in an effort to be a better provider for my family. I am not a threat. I do not claim to know everything. This does not mean that I have not been called a "smart ass" or a "know-it-all" a time or two in my life. People have nothing to fear from me. What they would have in me is someone who is dependable, great team leader or partner, and a quick learner.

So what is the problem? All I am asking for is a chance.